But they added up. And they revealed a subtle (and usually unintentional) cultural mind-set about what exactly the worth is deemed to be of a stay-at-home-wife... with no kids: not very high.
I'll be the first to admit that there are hours that aren't filled to the brim with productivity. In fact, last Wednesday I didn't do much at all. I needed to rest... so I did. Isn't that wonderful? Because my husband allows me to stay at home, I don't have to be moving 90 miles a minute. I don't have to be the do-it-all Super-Woman of feminists' dreams. I can just sit down and rest!
The idea that visible, tangible results are the only measure of the worth of someone's day is false. I am not a machine. Spending time with God, improving my mind through learning and self-education... these are two things that don't produce such results, yet I would argue that they are two of the most important habits that can be developed in my life.
Now--as I wait for children--is the ideal time to develop skills and grow in my knowledge in areas like cooking, decorating, gardening, sewing and other handicrafts, using herbs, financial management, music, foreign language, and reading. (Not to mention basic organization skills... sheesh. I need a LOT of work in that area.) Some days I am overwhelmed by all the things I want to learn about that I despair over not having enough time.
And I haven't even mentioned house-work yet. Or meal planning and preparation. Much less volunteering my time in the community, if the opportunity and occasion arises.
So what am I going to do now? Well, besides all the projects we're doing in the new house, I am going to...
- spend more time in prayer and worship.
- learn to order my day so that I can serve my God and my husband.
- develop weekly meal plans and actually start cooking real dinners again.
- tackle the stuff-monster and the dirt-dragon that like to hang around.
- take violin lessons again as well as continue my visits to Curves.
- begin a Great Books reading course and pick up my Latin studies from high school.
- continue my attempts at sewing and crocheting.
- start a kitchen garden and learn how to use herbs.
- kick my blog back into action.
That's what I'm going to do, and I don't need a paycheck to make it worth my while.
10 thoughts shared:
My daughters (even thought not married) gets the same *look* when people find out that she is a stay at home daughter, serving GOD where HE leads her.
Your blog is an inspiration to daughters who choose to serve GOD and not man.
May THE LORD bless you and your husband ;- )
Amanda
Matthew 6:33
Stephanie,
So excited for you! My husband and I have just completed our Foster Parenting classes and our interviews...we live in IA and the interviews are done in the same time period! We are Foster/Adoptive parents and it is so exciting and scary! We are working on collecting things for the kiddos with it starting to be garage sale season just thought I would mention that to you to start gathering things! Especially since you don't know gender and age of kids it can be a bit overwhelming!
~We also got some advise from a aged out foster child...don't take them out the first night to eat or shopping or to movies etc... it can give them the wrong impression.
~Also our pastor suggested having a toy/blanket or such that the child can pick out when they first come into your home that is their's to keep forever!
Anyway so excited for you to start your adventure!
Mrs. Wieling
Love this blog post! I completely understand about the whole no job thing or the "what do you do" question that no matter what turns into an awkward tension quick.Even though our reasonings are different at the moment some day I would love to be able to stay at home and not have that "she does nothing all day" connotation that many put on it, kids or no kids.
I must recommend allrecipes.com to you though to find recipes. They have a crock-pot selection that I love to flip through. Also skim through the first comments because they also help warn of kinks in the recipe.
Loom knitting has been so easy for me. It hurts my hands to knit and I found the best online knniting help at www.knittinghelp.com.
It's so sad that people have such a low view of stay-at-home wives. When I got married, everyone, EVERYONE told me how bored I was going to be sitting in an apartment all day long. But instead I filled my days to the brim and still didn't have enough time for everything I wanted to do. Of course, I needed to learn A LOT about home management when I first got married, so I wasn't nearly as efficient as I could have been. But still, I think when people assume that there's nothing to do at home, it's usually because they just don't have a vision for it. They don't know all the many wonderful things we can work on at home. They're just thinking of the bare minimum that most people who work outside the home have to settle for due to time constraints.
I'm going to try and remember what I was going to say before my comment went *poof!*
I was a homemaker for several months before I became pregnant with my first child. It was a bit of a challenge to figure out how to maximize my time, but it was even more of a challenge to figure out what to tell people.
I decided that I like the word "homemaker" better than housewife or stay-at-home/wife/mom because I can ALWAYS be a homemaker, but the "wife/mom" aspect of it limits what I do.
I don't just "stay at home" for my kids. I do it for the benefit of my entire family, and we don't even "stay" home if we don't want. Sure, we're home lots...but the "Stay at home" part rubs me wrong. It's ok if you embrace that for your personal title, but I just feel like "homemaker" covers the bases and has a positive connotation.
You are in such a great season of life right now. You can read plenty, learn lots, come up with some home-based businesses if you want, improve your general homemaking skills, and serve others. Maybe bringing meals or fellowship to others, or even regular volunteerwork.
True, your days won't be insanely busy all of the time. But super-busy doesn't = super valuable! It's ok to live at a slower pace.
If I could have that time again, I think I'd read a ton more, figure out some additional passive streams of income (I developed my blog pre-kids, and it's still going).
Anyway, you're doing fine and don't let anyone get you down :)
I look forward to hearing about your activities and how you fill your day. It must be exciting to work out what you will do, what hobbies you can start etc. Do you have room for a vegetable garden? This is a great way to get outside into the fresh air and saves the budget with the food you can produce.
How wonderful! I completely relate -I am a very recent "stay at home wife with no kids". (Two weeks ago I quit my job after eight years of STRESS!!!) And people are always asking me what I am going to do now, and I say start a home business, which I want to do, but in reality, I really just want to learn how to sew, garden, work on cleaning more efficiently, and help my husband with his ministry and work. And I have never been happier in my entire life!!!!!!
As I was reading your blog post, I can see how you could perceive that question as implying "You should get a paying job now." However, if I were to pose you that question I would be thinking more along the lines of, "Besides attending to your (important) matters in the home, how else will you be dedicating your time to carrying out God's message and the values you hold so near and dear to your heart?" After all, lessons that will improve your personal and homemaking skills are incredibly worth while, but it seems that you should take this extra time as a blessing, not just to rest (though more people do need to slow down to do this) to exemplify your values.
That's why I'm so glad you brought up volunteer work! I think that's an excellent way to enhance your Christian lifestyle. There is also another added benefit. I think housewives get a bad reputation for being idle creatures who care about nothing more than tending to their homes and to themselves. I'm well aware that dedicating yourself to maintaining a house is a ton of hard work that is under appreciated. And while I still consider being able to be a housewife and live comfortably in a one income household a luxury, especially in this day and age, I don't think people realize that housewives do so much more than tend to the house. Steph, I really hope that you do take some of your time and allow God to inspire you to do works in the community. In the end, I feel it will enhance your household and enrich both your life and your family's.
--Gaby
Hi! I found your blog via a link at Mrs. Parunak's and I have so enjoyed reading here. Like you, I am a stay at home wife with no children (though I continue to pray for them). Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I hope you're having a wonderful evening!
Amy
http://makingajoyfulhome.blogspot.com
Post a Comment